Friendship

Friendship between women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.



Friendship between men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

"What gender is 'computer'?"

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.’

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4.. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.....

CONVERSATION BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

WIFE: I wrote your name on the sand, it got washed away.
I wrote your name on the air, it was blown away. Then
I wrote your name on my heart and I got Heart Attack.

HUSBAND: God saw me hungry, He created pizza.
He saw me thirsty, He created Pepsi.
He saw me in dark, He created light.
He saw me without problems, then He created YOU.

WIFE: Twinkle twinkle little star
You should know what you are
And once you know what you are
Mental hospital is not so far.

HUSBAND: The rain makes all things beautiful.
The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful Why doesn't it rain on you?

WIFE: Roses are red; Violets are blue
Monkeys like you should be kept in zoo.
Don't feel so angry, you will find me there too
Not in the cage but laughing at you.

Ah Beng looiking for wife (A joke)

This joke is a in typical Chinese English slang which are commonly used in Malaysia and Singapore.
I have listed the actual English word for you easy understanding.

wor, leh, lar = Chinese slangs
wan? = want
sexticed = sexually excited
gomen = Government
skool = school
dunwaan laar = don't want
ahmah = mother/mom
aiyoo, aiyoyo = irritated (Indian slang)
potong stim = being put off (potong = cut, in Malay)
lidat = like that

This is a story about Ahbeng in search of a wife with the help of his mother, Ahkew. One day Ahbeng's mother bring home 3 pretty girls and introduce to Ahbeng.
The 3 pretty girls name and occupation :
1.) Ahuey - Telephonist
2.) Ahmoi - Primary Skool Teacher
3.) Ahlian - Bus Conductor

Ahbeng very sexcited lar of course then after a while of chatting with the girls his mother asked him.

Ahkew : Ahbeng, how ? Which one you like the most ?

Ahbeng : I like Ahlian the most

Ahkew : Aiyoh bus conductor only wor! where got future wan? Ahmoi not bad leh! gomen work you know? good benefit, next time your children wanna goto skool also easy

Ahbeng : Ahmah dunwan laaa!!

Ahkew : Why dunwan?

Ahbeng : bcoz skool teacher they love to say "PLEASE REPEAT!! DO AGAIN!!! I Want it done 10 times...SOME MORE, SOME MORE!" Like this very tiring everynite I can die one ahmah!

Ahkew : aiyoo!!! then Ahuey lar! at least she is better than Ahlian

Ahbeng : Dunwan also! ahmah, she is telephonist la! they love to say "WAIT A MINIT! PLEASE HOLD ON!" dem potong stim lidat ahmah where got mood to make baby la?

Ahkew : Aiyoyo!!! then what u like about Ahlian so much? bus conductor only wor!!! Where got future one ?

Ahbeng : Ahmah you dunno wan la ... I always take mini bus to KL (Kuala Lumpur), those women bus conductor always say "BANG! MASUK BELAKANG!!! MASUK DALAM SIKIT!!! DALAM ADA TEMPAT!!! MASUK MASUK!!!" (in English it means " Brother! "go in behind, go deep inside! go deeper some more! inside still got place!! deeper! deeper!!!) everytime they say lidat i also very sexcited one !!!!

Chinese Names

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I'm Sam Wan( someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan(no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry )

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Before Marriage After Marriage

Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage....

Simply read from bottom to top.

Ah Beng Jokes

Ah Beng - NEW STUFF

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Ah Beng bought a new mobile. He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said, "My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"

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Ah Beng: I am a proud because my son is in Medical College .
Friend: Really, what is he studying?
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

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Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be OK.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

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Ah Beng: If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

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Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have come again.

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Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing, except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."

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Ah Beng comes back to his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"He writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."

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How do you recognize Ah Beng in school?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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Once Ah Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other..So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says"Hello, how did you know I was here?"

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Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Ah Beng: The future tense is "you will go to jail"

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Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

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A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening andnot in the morning Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM